Chapter 1503: Her Highness the Princess (53)

“Then Young Master’s devotion is truly wasted.”

“So what if he’s devoted? Does that mean Her Highness has to marry anyone who’s devoted to her? You’re really thick-headed, not even half as clever as your young master.”

“No wonder you’re already so old and still haven’t caught the eye of any young lady. Turns out your brain doesn’t work very well. Talking to you is exhausting.”

With a snort, Yingzhu turned around and left.

Yun Yin: What was that supposed to mean? I was just trying to make conversation. As expected, even the maids serving the Grand Princess are difficult to deal with.

He couldn't imitate his young master, shamelessly following after a woman every day and uttering all sorts of sweet words.

He, Yun Yin, preferred the carefree life of drifting clouds and wild cranes. Romance and love held no interest for him.

Although he was already thirty and had yet to hold a girl's hand, that was only because he didn't want to. If he wanted to, there would certainly be plenty of girls willing to let him.

The next day, the group set out for the imperial capital.

Whenever they passed through a town along the way, Yingzhu would always stop to buy local snacks and bring them back to the carriage.

Without thinking, Yun Yin followed after her, apparently forgetting the vow he'd made to himself yesterday that he would never shamelessly trail after someone every day.

“Why are you following me?”

“This is a remote town. You're a young lady—what if something happens to you?” Seeing the suspicion in Yingzhu's eyes, Yun Yin quickly added, “If something happens to you, Her Highness will definitely be upset. And if Her Highness is upset, wouldn't my young master be even more upset?”

“So, for the sake of making sure my young master doesn't get upset, I have to protect you properly.”

“Fine then, follow me. Yun Yin, let me tell you something—I have no interest in your type, so don't get any strange ideas.”

“Oh, please. Yingzhu, you're almost thirty already. You're not my type either. If I liked someone, it'd definitely be a young and beautiful girl.”

Yingzhu exploded with anger. What women hated most was being called old.

“Get lost!”

“Not happening!”

Tang Guo lifted the curtain of the carriage just in time to see the two glaring at each other. She couldn't help but smile, though it was only a smile.

She had never intended to interfere between Yingzhu and Yun Yin. Let nature take its course. If they had fate, they would be together; if not, there was no need to force it. As long as she lived, Yingzhu would never have a bad life.

After two months, the group returned to the imperial capital.

Lü Yufan became busy preparing for the examinations, spending his days immersed in books.

As for Lin Yuexiang, Tang Guo tossed her into the agricultural grounds and placed her in charge of the work there.

Whether Lin Yuexiang could win the people's respect would depend on her own abilities.

If she couldn't even handle such a small matter, then after becoming an official in the future, wouldn't she be completely suppressed by others?

Lin Yuexiang did not disappoint her.

On the first day, the workers at the agricultural grounds had indeed been displeased. A beautiful woman had suddenly appeared and taken over such an important position.

But Lin Yuexiang's capabilities soon convinced them.

Not only was she beautiful, but she was also incredibly knowledgeable about crops. She spoke with confidence and eloquence, could paint, and the field distribution maps she drew were excellent. The new ideas she proposed were all practical and effective.

Since she had been personally chosen by Her Highness and truly possessed ability, they naturally treated her with respect.

Lin Yuexiang's side had been settled.

Next came Lü Yuzhi.

Tang Guo asked what she wanted to do.

The young girl answered, “Your Highness, Yuzhi wishes to open a medical clinic. Whenever I think back to how gravely ill I became after being caught in the rain that time, all I can think about is treating illnesses and saving lives.”

---

✦ Translator's Note — On Tang Guo, Forgiveness, and Healing

Okay, I had this thought while reading this arc and I just wanted to put it down before I forgot. 😂

First, though, I should probably explain something about my reading journey with this novel, because otherwise what I'm about to say probably won't make much sense.

When I first started translating this novel, I had already read all the chapters that the previous translator had completed. After that, I started translating the new chapters myself.

And for a while, I was basically translating and reading at the same time.

I'd translate, say, ten chapters, then read those ten chapters. Then translate another ten, read those, and so on.

I did this for... a LOT of chapters. 😂

I think I made it all the way from around Chapter 800 to somewhere around Chapter 1,500+ this way.

But eventually I realized:

This is not satisfying AT ALL. 😭

I was constantly stopping right when I was getting invested in something, and then I'd have to go back into translation mode. I even tried things like text-to-speech so I could keep up with the story while translating, but honestly, it still wasn't the same as just sitting down and reading.

So eventually I decided to change my strategy.

I thought, You know what? I'm going to start reading the novel properly from Chapter 1 again while I continue translating ahead.

That way, while I'm rereading from the beginning, the translation can continue piling up ahead of me. By the time I catch up to where I'd previously stopped reading, I'll hopefully have a nice big batch of translated chapters waiting for me, and I can continue reading without having to constantly stop and translate every few chapters.

So that's what I've been doing.

Which means that this isn't just a reread for me. It's the first time I've been able to experience the earlier parts of the novel again while knowing much more about where Tang Guo eventually ends up.

And that brings me to this arc.

This is actually one of those arcs that made me think about something I've mentioned before: sometimes I feel like Tang Guo could be a little more forgiving.

And this arc was probably one of the strongest examples of that feeling for me.

When I first read this part, I remember thinking:

Girl... please just let it go. 😭

Because yes, what the ML did wasn't exactly the most honorable thing.

He approached her with an ulterior motive. He wanted to get something from the Empress, and his plan involved getting Tang Guo to like him so that he could achieve that goal.

Was that pure and wholesome?

No. 😂

But was he trying to hurt her?

Not really.

And compared to some of the things we've seen across these worlds, I remember thinking that his “crime” here was honestly... pretty small.

Especially because he doesn't have the memories of all those previous lifetimes.

This is something I think I lost sight of during my first read.

From Tang Guo's perspective, this isn't some random man she barely knows making one mistake.

She has spent lifetime after lifetime with this person.

She's seen him love her. She's seen him cherish her. She's built a relationship with him over and over again.

And then he enters a new world without remembering any of it and makes a mistake.

Meanwhile, she remembers everything.

Those are two completely different experiences.

And because I'd already read so many arcs at once during my first pass through the novel, I think I had started thinking of them as this established couple who had basically figured everything out. 😂

I had forgotten just how much of a difference there is between her experience and his experience in every new world.

Then, during this reread, I went all the way back to Chapter 1.

And...

Oh.

That was when I really noticed how much Tang Guo had changed.

When you're reading hundreds of chapters continuously, especially when you've already read them once before, it's surprisingly easy to forget how different a character was at the beginning.

But this time, I was reading Chapter 1 with everything I've seen from Tang Guo since then fresh in my mind.

And the difference is HUGE.

Tang Guo is much more emotionally healthy now.

Not completely healed. Not magically fixed. But healthier.

She's more capable of trusting people. She's more willing to form attachments. She's more comfortable with affection. She's more capable of experiencing happiness without immediately needing to protect herself from it.

And strangely enough, I think that's part of why she can also be more fragile now.

Because when you've spent so much of your life protecting yourself, distrusting people, expecting to be abandoned or hurt, and then you finally start allowing someone into your heart...

Getting hurt by that person is different.

If a stranger hurts you, you can be angry. You can walk away. You can take revenge. You can decide that person isn't worth your time.

But what happens when the person who hurts you is someone you've already allowed yourself to trust (even though she may not realize or accept it at this point)?

Someone you've cherished?

Someone who has cherished you in return?

Someone who has spent several lifetimes proving that they love you?

Suddenly that “small” mistake doesn't necessarily feel small anymore.

And I think that's what I was missing during my first read.

I was looking at the situation from the outside and thinking:

“Come on, Tang Guo. He's made mistakes before, but he's been good to you for so long. Just forgive him.”

But going through the novel again made me realize that I was forgetting something very important:

Tang Guo has been carrying all those experiences with her.

The ML hasn't.

Every time they enter a new world, he's meeting her again.

For him, this is a new relationship.

For her, there's an entire history behind it that he can't remember.

And I think that makes her reaction much easier for me to understand now.

Especially because she's still healing.

I've talked about this before in another Translator's Note, so I won't repeat that entire discussion about whether someone should forgive or how much compensation someone is “supposed” to accept.

But I do think emotional wounds are a little like physical wounds.

If you have a wound that's finally starting to heal and someone suddenly hits that exact spot again...

Even if the new injury isn't objectively as serious as the original one, it's going to hurt a LOT more.

Healing isn't linear.

And it doesn't happen just because you've decided that you're ready to move on.

It takes time.

It takes effort from yourself.

And sometimes it takes effort from the people around you who are trying to help you feel safe again.

Which actually reminded me of something Tang Guo said in the previous arc—that even if someone is incredibly capable, if nobody believes in them or supports them, there's still a very high chance that they'll eventually fall.

Because we're social creatures.

Support matters.

Warmth matters.

Having someone who believes in you matters.

Yes, there are exceptional people who can somehow survive anything and continue thriving no matter what happens to them.

But most people aren't like that.

And when you're already trying to heal from years of emotional trauma...

well...

everything hits a little harder.

So I think I understand Tang Guo's reaction much better now.

Does that mean I think she has to forgive him?

No.

Absolutely not.

If she wants to hold a grudge, GO AHEAD, QUEEN. 😂

If she wants to marry him but refuse to give him a proper status?

Sure.

If she wants to keep him around as a pet and make him work for forgiveness for the next several centuries?

Honestly, at this point, I'm not her. It's her life. 😭

As long as she's happy, I'm starting to realize I'm increasingly becoming the system.

“Tang Guo, are you happy?”

“Yes?”

“Then carry on.” 😂

But seriously, this reread made me realize something about my own reaction to her character.

I used to think:

“Why can't you just let this tiny thing go?”

Now I'm thinking:

“Oh. I understand why this tiny thing isn't tiny to you.”

And I think that's a pretty important distinction.

Maybe sometimes we judge someone's reaction based on the size of the thing that happened instead of considering the size of the wound it landed on.

And honestly, that's something I probably wouldn't have noticed as clearly if I hadn't decided to go back and read the entire thing from Chapter 1 again.

...Okay, I think I've psychoanalyzed Tang Guo enough for one Translator's Note. 😂

I swear, I don't know if I'm translating this novel or slowly becoming an unpaid therapist for fictional characters.

Am I overanalyzing this?

Probably.

Do I care?

Apparently not (I mean, I gave you guys a chapter long TN). 😭

Anyway, what do you guys think?

Did you find Tang Guo too unforgiving in this arc, or could you understand why she reacted the way she did?

And do you think there's a difference between forgiving someone because you genuinely want to and forgiving someone because everyone else thinks you should?

Because now I'm curious what everyone else thought about this one.